Forming your destination wedding guest list is never easy, especially if you prefer to keep the event somewhat intimate. In fact, professional event planner, Ashley Lachney of Alston Mayger Events, always tells her couples that the guest list will be their biggest headache. “And, I’ve yet to be wrong,” she tells us.

Below, Ashley Lachney addresses a few commonly asked questions she gets regarding guest lists:

Can you split up a couple if you’ve never met the other half?

Unfortunately, no. Imagine it’s your first day of school and you have access to absolutely zero of the friends that you went to school with the year prior. Maybe this has actually happened to some of you. Remember how it felt trying to connect with others or find a seat for your meal? Don’t do that to your guests.

Do I need to invite someone I haven’t spoken to in ten years?

Absolutely not. I always encourage my couples to invite those who have supported, upheld and helped grow their relationship together. Someone who you haven’t seen in ten years (regardless of whether or not you just ran into them at the grocery store) does not equate to an invite to your wedding.

Does all family get an invite regardless?

Not necessarily. I always say the “ten-year” rule applies here as well. Cousin across the states or in another country that you haven’t seen or spoken to for a decade? Again, stick to those who have supported and upheld your relationship thus far.

My parents are trying to control my guest list, how do I make this stop?

This is tricky because parents typically contribute a lot of cash flow to the festivities. If your parents are paying and have demanded a little extra control over the invites, you have two options. Have an honest conversation about who you want in the room where it happens and why (see above!), or gently refuse the money and pay for the wedding yourselves. “No pay, no say,” as they say.

Photos courtesy of (in order of appearance): Bonnie Sen Photography (1st) & Wolfer Wedding Collective (2nd)